Monday, November 18, 2013

10 Things I Never Thought I'd Do But Have Done as a Parent

This post is dedicated to the dozens of parent-to-be's in my life right now.

Becoming a parent changes you. In addition to the stretch marks and learning how to operate on little sleep, you also get super powers--I can now touch poop, get peed on, and smell vomit without gagging. It's amazing, really.

10 Things I Never Thought I'd Do But Have Done as a Parent:

1. Touch Vomit 
I've caught someone else's puke in my bare hands...more than once. Ain't nobody got time for scrubbing regurgitated chunks out of the carpet!

2. Cry
I used to rarely cry. Now I cry. A lot. Things that have made me tear up recently: Kung Fu Panda 2, Jude saying "Harry Potter", a baby shower prayer, Parenthood, rave reviews at Kellyn's parent-teacher conference, a compliment from a stranger, Jude's defiance, the sight of skinny pregnant women..whyyyy couldn't that have been me?!

3. Lose my Gag Reflex
I can change the Diaper Genie without retching. It takes practice, my friends. If you've never smelled the stench of a full Diaper Genie, you have no clue how big of an accomplishment this is.

4. Become a Light Sleeper
Before I had kids, I probably could have slept through a tsunami. The day after I had my first child, I could magically hear her blow a spit bubble from three rooms away while I was sleeping. I can also hear scowls and eye rolls.

5. Embrace Vomit
This one time, I stroked my son's hair and held him close as he barfed all over me. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Again, regurgitated chunks in the carpet are no fun.

6. Despise Kid Strangers
I've been known to join in a dirty game of tag at the playground if you're picking on my daughter. If you mess with my kids, you mess with me.

I decided to leave the second half of this list to my husband. Enjoy. :)

7. Give up Sex for Sleep
Enough said.

8. Wear Pee
This one time, my son peed through his diaper while he was sitting on my shoulders. I walked around the zoo for the rest of the afternoon with the same shirt on.

9. Watch The Wiggles
Fruit Salad, Yummy, Yummy.

10. Dance for Fun
I've been known to "bust a move" with the kids in the privacy of our kitchen.

Hope this made you laugh a little.  

What is something YOU have done as a parent that you never imagined yourself doing?!

11 comments:

  1. hahaha! The plan I have right now is to delegate the messiest of jobs to Angel--he's a lot tougher than I am in that regard because of his job. But life, especially life with children, involves a lot of messes! :P The biggest one I've ever had to deal with is cleaning a kitchen splattered with blood from floor to ceiling after my brother nearly cut the tip of his thumb off. (Mom was driving him to the emergency room, so clean up duty was delegated to someone who is useless at a hospital.)

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  2. Visiting from the blog hop and I LOVE this! Every single one is so on point! I've also worn spit-up all day because I got spit -up on while walking out the door to work and didnt have time to change. Nothing like the smell of spit-up all day!

    xoxo-
    Rachel
    www.wellwornsoles.com

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  3. Found you through The Dwelling Tree and this is so funny. The puking thing happened to me- my daughter was throwing up and my gut reaction was to turn her INTO me, rather than away... maybe it was more loving? Don't know my motivation, but definitely never would have done that prior to her! Have a great day! ~Sarah @ www.thejellyjars.com

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  4. Gosh, I can sure relate to your list! Just this morning I was out with my 5mth old who decided to vomit all over me. I simply wiped it off and kept going. Prior to having kids this would have totally freaked me out.
    Lauren from http://www.createbakemake.com

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  5. All true for me too! I would add "memorise an entire book"... I've read Hairy McClary so many times that I can rattle off the entire text with my eyes closed

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  6. Lovely to meet you - and your honesty!! Third time around I have given up all hope! Emily :)

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  7. Hahahaha! You had me smiling through this whole post. Another thing I never anticipated...spending so much time on the floor, driving cars and trains around, playing pat-a-cake, board games, etc. It's like a whole new world down there!

    Like your blog! Found you through Let's Be Friends :)

    www.holdingthedistaff.blogspot.com

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  8. nope, sorry, I still don't do vomit. I will never get divorced b/c husband is the vomit-handler. The Wiggles, however, are a different story. I despised them pre-kids, and even tried to get our nieces off The Wiggles and on to something else. Not only did that not work, but when my son came along, he was a HUGE wiggles fan!

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  9. Here from the Thumpin Thursday Hop and lovin' all those Magical Mommy Powers we get. The hearing of scowls and eye rolls is great, but nothing compares to the power of Karma. Oh, when your children see themselves in their children and apologize to you- NOW THAT'S POWER!!! ; ) Gracias for such an enjoyable post. BB2U

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  10. This is an awesome list!
    I once walked around the shops sporting a macaroni necklace, because it 'made me pretty.' I actually got quite a few compliments that day. :)

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  11. I couldn't help by chuckle and nod my head yes while reading this post! it's everything I thought I wouldn't do until I became a parent. Wow!

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